13 Things I’ve Heard Boomers Say That I Agree With 100%

Come shake your fist at the sky with us. Preferably naked.
I’m technically a Gen Jones, but at 61 I’ve crossed into that liminal space where my knees make noise, my tolerance is thin, and I fully understand why older men yell at clouds. If this is my early “get off my lawn” era, so be it. I’ve earned it. I’ve lived. I’ve moisturized.
And no, this isn’t the tired bootstraps nonsense or whining about “kids these days.” Most boomers I know get it. They see the double shifts, the side hustles, the burnout. This is about the real stuff. The everyday, low-grade modern bullshit that makes you sigh, rub your temples, and reach for a cocktail.
Grab a chair. Let it all hang out. Let’s complain together.
1. Fuck the QR Code Menus
Printing menus isn’t hard. It’s paper. Ink. Staples. You already pay someone to walk over and ask what I want. They can hand me a menu. I should not need a charged phone, strong signal, and patience just to order fries.
Yes, I can zoom in. Yes, I can use my flashlight in your mood-lit dungeon of a dining room. I don’t care. Give me the menu. A real one. Something I can touch. Fold. Spill on.
Otherwise I’ll laser it on a 2 x 4 and spank you with it. Fair warning.
2. Make LED Headlights Illegal
Who decided cars should come equipped with portable suns? I don’t need my retinas cauterized because someone behind me bought the deluxe apocalypse package.
If your headlights can stand in for a searchlight at a Hollywood premier, they belong mounted outside your bedroom window. Permanently. On high beam.
3. Subscriptions Suck Hairy Donkey Balls
My wallet has been gentrified by subscriptions. I used to buy software once and own it until the computer died. Now everything wants monthly tribute.
Photoshop went subscription-only and suddenly I’m very happy with free software. Funny how that works.
Streaming services rotate like tires now. Cancel, re-subscribe, cancel again. And why am I still watching ads? I pay you. That’s the deal. Stop selling me roller-skating period products and boner pills while you’re at it.
4. Why Do Cars Have So Many Buttons (And Not Knobs)?
Driving is physical. It’s sensory. I want knobs I can grab. Buttons I can slam. A horn that takes up half the steering wheel.
And bring back the hand brake. The real one. The yank-it-like-your-life-depends-on-it one. Not this polite little button labeled “electronic parking brake.” That’s not a brake. That’s a suggestion.
5. Where Did All the Other Buttons Go?
I got into an elevator recently and it was a touchscreen. Absolutely not. Humans need buttons. We need the joy of pressing them. We need to mash every floor to annoy our friends.
Touchscreens took that from us. Unacceptable.
6. There Are Too Many Damned Apps
I don’t want an app for every errand. I do not need a digital relationship with McDonald’s, U-Haul, or the laundromat.
Parking apps are the worst. Ten different ones, all wrong. It takes longer to find the right app than the parking spot is worth.
7. Get Rid of Chatbot Customer Service Reps
This is my hill. I will die on it. Preferably while on hold.
Chatbots trap you in loops until time loses meaning. You age. You wither. You become a ghost haunting customer support menus.
And somehow prices went up even though you fired all the humans. Curious.
8. Stupid Participation Trophies
Not everyone needs a prize. Sometimes you just… participated. That’s it.
When everyone wins, nothing means anything. That’s not cruelty. That’s reality.
9. Two-Factor Authenticate Deez Nuts
For my bank? Sure. Lock it down. Ask for my blood type and a retinal scan.
But for the app I’m forced to download to read a menu? Absolutely not. Go make love to a cactus.
10. The Tiny Print on Instructions
Young people will look it up online. We are the ones squinting at paper instructions printed in microscopic font.
If I need a magnifying glass to find the Allen key step, I promise you I will find somewhere creative to put that Allen key instead.
11. Stop Asking for My Email and Phone Number
I just want a toaster. Not a relationship.
And stop making the poor 17-year-old cashier keep asking after I say no. They don’t care. I don’t care. Let us both go home emotionally intact.
Also, can rewards programs please agree on what points mean? Is this worth anything or am I collecting imaginary currency?
12. Just Tell Me the Weather in Clothing
I don’t need math. I don’t need humidity equations. I don’t need “feels like.”
Just tell me if I need a sweater, a jacket, or nothing at all. Bonus points if you say “nudity encouraged.”
13. Un-Bluetooth My Appliances
I do not need my toaster on the internet. I do not need my washer refusing to run because it can’t find WiFi.
I especially do not need my vibrator hackable.
If my dryer locks me out for 87 minutes after it’s done one more time, I hope its creator steps on a Lego in the dark.

Reading that back, I understand naps now. Ranting is exhausting. No wonder older men recline so well.
But if there’s anything that bridges generations, it’s a shared hatred of pointless modern nonsense. These are the moments we can all stand together. Naked. Shaking our fists at the sky.
And honestly? It feels kind of good.