Let’s Talk About Submission… Even If You Swear You’re Not Into It

Pillion has been quietly making the rounds, and I only just stumbled onto it. It’s one of those moody, art-house projects from A24, starring Alexander Skarsgård and Harry Melling—yes, the former Dudley Dursley from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

From the trailers, Skarsgård plays a leather-clad motorcycle daddy who collides with a lost, uncertain younger man. What unfolds looks like an Alpha/submissive dynamic that shocks the submissive as much as it seduces him. There are scenes where he sleeps on the floor. He’s taken to a BDSM camp. There’s spit play. A collar. Public displays of hierarchy.
Watch the Trailer Here
For anyone standing on the outside of that world, the questions come fast:
Why would someone allow themselves to be humiliated?
Why would anyone choose that level of submission?
But I keep wondering if the answer is simpler—and closer to home—than we admit.
Jefferson is coming over for dinner tonight. He loves a very particular ginger beer. I currently have eight different brands in my refrigerator. Eight. But not the one he prefers. So last night I drove around for an hour and a half until I found his favorite and bought a six-pack just for him.
No one required that of me. No one demanded it. I did it because it pleased him—and because pleasing him pleases me.
Is that BDSM? No dungeon. No collar. No floor-sleeping. And yet, if we strip it down to its bones, what is submission if not the voluntary offering of time, effort, or comfort for someone else’s satisfaction?
The “S” in BDSM stands for submission. It doesn’t always come wrapped in leather.
Let’s talk about another word that makes people twitch: findom. Financial domination. To some, it conjures an image of someone handing over their paycheck to a ruthless Alpha. But in my world, if I want someone to join me somewhere, I’ll often pay their way. Flights. Tickets. Dinner. Is that a contract? No. Is it coercion? Absolutely not. It’s a choice.
And here’s the part that confuses people: I enjoy it.
The act of giving—of sacrificing a little time, a little money, a little convenience—can be deeply erotic. Not because I’m being controlled, but because I’m choosing to yield. I’m choosing to prioritize someone else’s pleasure for a moment. And when that offering is met with gratitude, when boundaries are respected, when both people are conscious and consenting adults, the exchange becomes intimate rather than exploitative.
Submission, at its healthiest, is not humiliation. It’s intention.
It’s saying: I see what brings you joy, and I want to participate in that.
We all do this in quieter ways. We rearrange schedules. We cook someone’s favorite meal. We sit through a movie we don’t love because they do. We pay for the Uber. We let them pick the restaurant. We give up the bigger slice of cake.
Most people would never label those moments “kink.” But they are acts of yielding. Acts of service. Acts of chosen vulnerability.
So maybe the real question isn’t “Why would someone allow themselves to be submissive?”
Maybe it’s this:
Where are you already doing it?
What do you give—freely, joyfully—that might inconvenience you a little but lights someone else up? What acts fall well within your boundaries yet still make other people raise an eyebrow?
And for those of you who live fully inside the leather-and-collar version of the lifestyle and are shaking your heads, don’t worry. I promise I’m not confusing ginger beer with a dungeon contract. I have other stories. I just happen to keep a few of them behind my own very deliberate boundaries. 😉
I’d love to hear what submission looks like in your world.